Mid-Shore Life

by Carolyn Kennedy 

Caring for elderly loved ones often becomes a balancing act.  You must balance your life and comforts against theirs.  If you are employed you may at times have to miss several days on the job because your parents need your time, have a doctor appointment, or an unexpected need arises.

My husband and I try to live most of the winter months in Florida.  We are of the age where people start to say “at your age”, though we like to think we are in the prime of life.  Even a cool Florida feels good in January and February when the snow is falling in the North.  My elderly parents live in a northeastern state.  The Blizzards of 2010 created some challenges for keeping them safe and comfortable.

During the first storm in February, they were on their own.  They both rely on a walker to move around and because Mother is very frail and Father has macular degeneration, it is difficult for them to even prepare meals.  Fortunately we have caregivers who are there every day to prepare meals. 

Anticipation!  by Carolyn Smith-Kennedy

My parents live in a senior high rise apartment.  I moved them there six years ago when Mother was in hospital and I was told that she would come home in a wheelchair.  Luckily she did not, but I also feel fortunate that we moved to the senior building.  It is not assisted living.  They are on their own with lots of help from family and caregivers.  This is their desire.  They cannot afford an assisted living facility and do not want to be in a nursing home.  My desire is to keep them together and as comfortable as possible for as long as possible--thus, my constant search for resources.

Recently, the visiting nurse from the Department of Health suggested to me that I make an emergency kit for my parents.  She even gave me a list of items to make sure were on hand and said they needed to be in a duffel bag or some other container.  I thought that was a good idea but I didn’t do it exactly as she said I should.  I did, however, check the pantry, the medicines and the toiletry cabinet to make sure plenty of supplies were on hand.

The most disturbing thing about this big snow storm hitting the Northeast, however, is that the caregivers most likely will not be able to get to my parents for a few days.  That means they have no one to fix their meals.  They will most likely muddle through even though it will be difficult.  Neither can walk without an aid.  They have matching rolling walkers with a seat.  Mother cannot hear and he cannot see well due to macular degeneration.   But at 90 and 94, they both have sharp minds.

by Carolyn Smith-Kennedy

Perhaps one of the most difficult things we do in our adult life is take on the responsibility of managing the care of our parents.   For those who have in the past turned to their parents for help and guidance to get through life or even if you have been totally independent from your teen years, it is a shock to realize that they need your help.  In some cases, perhaps you have not been so close to your parents, either physically or emotionally but now you are the only one available to help them – and they need help!  There are all kinds of scenarios and circumstances and each person much analyze and deal with their own.

I, for example, have always (in my opinion) been close emotionally to my parents but not always physically in the same vicinity. He is actually my step-father but has been in our family for over 45 years since my birth father died at a young age. 

by Carolyn Smith-Kennedy

When caring for an elderly loved one it is always best to have a back-up plan. This was reinforced to me today when I learned that my elderly father withdrew cash from his checking account. Now you may think that is his right and indeed it is. However, I spent quite a bit of money a few years ago to set up Power of Attorney (at their request) for my parents. I am now the one responsible for their health and financial matters. It is up to me to make sure their bills are paid and they are getting the proper care.

Because I try to spend part of the winter months in Florida, I went to great lengths this fall to get my father to let his social security check be direct deposited. As a matter of fact, I had been trying for years to talk him into direct deposit but being a survivor of the Great Depression, he didn’t trust Uncle Sam to get his money into his checking account. He needed to go to the bank and make the deposit and come out with some cash in hand. Gradually over the last few years, that trip to the bank got more and more difficult. He now must use a walker to safely walk around and he has macular degeneration so he is visually impaired.