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There's a ???? ???? in the Toilet!

You just know that can't be good.

I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, and I hear the sound that makes every parent freeze in their tracks. At least, one of my kids is screaming with that voice; it's the voice that says "There is arterial gushing from my neck region", or "She touched me". I struggle to make out the content of the scream through the door that is separating us.

"There is ???? ______ in ???? upstairs toilet." Oh yeah, I wanted to hear that. Maybe I can pretend to be asleep?

Wait, Cyndi is already in bed, recovering from dental work, I'm going to have to take this one.

I open the door and approach the screamer. "OK, what is in the toilet."

"A battery," she says.

"How did a battery get in the toilet?"

Are you ready? If you are a parent, you know what the answer is going to be and you can skip the next line.

"I don't know, it was just there when I got up."

Wow! I ask around and after getting two more "I don't know" answers, I determine that someone is passing batteries without knowing it; you'd think that would hurt.

I stop on the way to the upstairs toilet, to see if maybe Cyndi has an explanation for why there is a battery in the toilet. She is as clueless as I am.

Cyndi does have a question, though. "What size is the battery?"

I hope, if someone is passing a battery, that it is at least a small one, hopefully a AAA.

I go to take a look. Sure enough, there in the bottom of the bowl is a D cell battery. Being Dad, it is my job to get it out.

I try the plunger handle, no luck. There is some minor cussing.

Flyswatter, kind of a loop at the end of the handle; almost, but lost it. There is more cussing, not so minor.

Oh well, guess I have to use the best tool ever invented for retrieving things. Oh my, that water is cold. More cussing, but the D cell battery is now in my hand and on the way to the trash can.

Time to wash my hands.

I go back to the bedroom, to share my story with Cyndi. She is as dumbstruck as I. How does a D-cell battery get into a toilet with no one knowing how it got there; three children, not one clue.

With apologies to Bill Cosby, there is only one possible explanation: Brain Damage.

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